upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize