i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Life is so much better after having sex.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
