what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
