tell your sister to shave her snatch
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize