I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
