yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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