I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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