Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
