had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize