this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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