I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
