I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
