I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize