thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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