I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
