I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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