I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
that may or may not have been my penis.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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