I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
