I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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