p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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