Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
