I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize