This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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