just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
