wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
