I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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