I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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