New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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