you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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