You're so nebulous sometimes
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
