What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
