I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
