we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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