Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
