Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
