If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
