you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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