She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
