so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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