So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
