can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
