White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
