im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
