Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
