3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I CAN MOONWALK!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
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