that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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