There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
