How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
