the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
