this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
