I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
