She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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