got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
