Can Purell be used as lube?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
