It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
