i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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