She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
