The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Randomize
