Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
