I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize