the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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