if i can run in heels then i can drive
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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