wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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