the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
