we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize