do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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