he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
