Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
