hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
