I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize