i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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