Where did you get a picture of my penis
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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