Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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