I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
