so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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