The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
And then he peed in my hair
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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