we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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