we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
