drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
