Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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