Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
