she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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