what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
