i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
