You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
