We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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