hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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