help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
