If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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