just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
