It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
