Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
