Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
