I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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