So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
