Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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