I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i love accidental penises.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
