flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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