this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
