Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
