i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
