I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
operation have a gay friend backfired
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
