PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
