I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
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