I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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