She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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