You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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