I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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