Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
